My Month on Match: Day #10

After 10 days and countless hours on match.com I have learned a few things about online dating:

1. It is highly addictive. Keeping up with the “winks” is impossible… I gave up on that long ago. Responding to messages is a near full-time job! You have to pick and choose based upon initial impressions. My two initial qualifiers have been bare bones: attraction and faith. I recently discovered that you can also see who has been viewing your profile! This is great feature to weed out the stalkers! But it also made me sweat a bit… since I’ve been showing all of my friends my “favorite matches.” Opps! :O
2. Pick-up lines. This is where the real entertainment is found. Since everyone is hitting on everyone… people quickly show their colors by the way they engage this initial conversation. Some cut straight to the chase and ask you for your number. Don’t worry Mom… I only fell for this once;). Others make a thoughtful remark about something listed in your profile. A large majority say something profound like, “Wow! You’re gorgeous! Write me back if you are interested.” My favorite initial emails have included joking rhetoric about the awkwardness of online dating and suggest that they would like to get to know you better… should you return the interest.
3. Pictures. People post the most hilarious, unbecoming pictures of themselves sometimes... it's highly entertaining. Guys also tend to post pictures with other girls? And gorgeous girls too... I don't get that... totally a turn-off. Unless it's your mom or your sister... it's just not okay.
4. Honesty. Everyone knows that everyone is looking, so there is a general understanding that you may or may not be a “match.” There is intentionality in seeking to get to know someone and equal intentionality when you are not interested (either you ignore them… or you tell them you’re not interested and why). Everyone is pretty level-headed because they are playing the field. One rejection or ignored message isn’t that tragic, because there are many other people to date! Also – You must be totally honest with yourself and be unapologetically true to your values and convictions. Without that kind of truth-telling, many hearts will be broken.
5. Nearly everyone needs a chance. People come across one way in their pictures and the way they talk about themselves, and can be so different in person. Judging a book by it’s match cover alone is short-sighted. I made up my mind early on that I was going to do my best to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and at least one date (unless I get a weird vibe which I attribute to the Holy Spirit telling me to stay away).
6. It’s hard! As a girl with a strong-faith and a heart for ministry, solid Christians are hard to come by on match. But I have met a few…
7. Best date so far = Go Karting!
8. The iphone app. It’s awesome… and will make the rest of this month much easier.

My Month on Match: rethinking

Today was an interesting day... I'm meeting some really attractive and great people through match. I'm surprisingly growing a bit fond of this way of making new friends and having a chance to converse with people I wouldn't normally get to talk with.

This afternoon, I found myself exceptionally embarrassed when a friend began to sarcastically quote back to me my play by play of my experience on match.com. Two things struck me. Perhaps more people are reading this than I thought would... and perhaps one of these great guys I might meet and go out with will find it rather atrocious that I'm writing about my experience with them. So in an effort not to trivialize anyone other than myself... I will be changing my approach moving forward. My posts will contain what I'm learning about online dating... and what I'm learning about myself in the realm of dating strangers:). Hope that doesn't disappoint any of you... but I think I will be able to sleep now tonight knowing I'm not making anyone hate me over something I say on a silly blog. If you want more juicy details... hit me up for coffee:)

The Joshua Harris Scandal: a word to my Christian friends

When I was in early high school I read “I Kissed Dating Good-bye,” by Joshua Harris. At the time I took his word like it was scripture and decided that dating was only good for meeting Mr. Right. But I wasn’t alone! All my friends bought the theory too. Dating became scary and something that only lead to potentially deviant behaviors and temptations. Unless the Lord was in it… then of course it was going to fulfill it’s purpose.

Since I graduated from college and embarked into the cold world of singleness, I have had various dating relationships. Some were great, some were weird, some were deceptive, and some were… well just disappointing. For some reason, I’ve found that many Christians do not know how to date... including myself. There seems to be an underlying tension that we need to decide in the first two dates whether or not we are going to marry this person. I’ve thrown my heart at guys way too early and had guys throw their hearts at me before I was ready to hold it… usually with VERY LITTLE COMMUNICATION about what the other person is thinking and feeling. So like a little Red Riding Hood I ran relentlessly from the Big Bad Dating-Wolf. I know I’ve hurt a lot of wonderful people along the way… and I hate that fact. But I suppose things even themselves out as I’ve been hurt and mislead a number of times as well. At the end of it all, I don’t blame it ALL on Joshua Harris – perhaps the pressure goes deeper, to the churches seemingly unattainable standard of holiness. There are always warnings about what NOT to do when dating: don’t kiss on the first date, pre-marital sex is forbidden, make sure their “calling” aligns with yours (whatever that means), avoid the ones who drink and smoke, wait for God to bring you your “Prince” or “Princess,” opposites are good – but only in certain undefined areas, etc. But who is out there telling us HOW to date well? The only counsel I’ve received along these lines are: be yourself, wait for God’s timing, focus on what God has for you to do and it will happen someday. Not bad advice… it carries a lot of truth... but BORING!

But here’s were I divert… I find that most of my single Christian friends get really scared about dating. Freaked out to “put themselves out there,” afraid to make a mistake, and generally just wanting to find “the one.” My non-Christian friends, however, aren’t as afraid. They boldly tell people that they like them and date total strangers. If it doesn’t work out, they are a little disappointed but bounce back really fast. I think we put WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE on the process of discovery when it could be a really fun adventure! I truly believe dating and building relationships with members of the opposite sex is extremely important in helping us realize who we are and who we aren’t! If we plan to marry, we’d better learn a thing or two about how to interact with males and females.

Dating should not be such a scary matter. Sometimes there is a “click” and it works out… and sometimes it doesn’t. We shouldn’t take these matters so personally. Christians often are afraid to hurt someone and because we’ve been conditioned to be so nice, and don’t know how to say, “Thanks, but no thanks” with tact and grace. Fearful of these confrontational realties in relationships… guys don’t ask out a girl that they think is cute until she’s hinted so overtly it’s embarrassing, and girls won’t say yes unless they know he fulfills all 24 “must-have’s” on the list she wrote in her 7^th grade bible study!

This is bogus and I’m on a mission to figure out how to date well, date often, have fun, be wise, learn from lots of different guys, and believe that some day as I’m journeying forward God’s going to lead me to the one whose life is supposed to be forever intertwined with mine. Gentlemen… girls want men who are confident enough to just say what they are thinking. Ladies… quit being so controlling and picky—get to know someone for who they are not for who you hope they are. Relationships are messy… but if Jesus is in the center, it can be a beautiful mess!

So… figure out who you are, like who you are, pull up your boot-straps, and put yourself out there! What’s there to lose when there are so many new friends to be had. I’m not saying everyone should sign up for match.com… I’m just saying if you want to get married someday… you must participate in the process!

My Month on MATCH

Blame it on boredom or another crazy idea, but last night on a whim I made a profile on Match.com. I’ll be honest, I saw a really attractive guy pictured on the ad and thought “If guys that good-looking are online, than I’d better check it out!” So one thing led to another and by the time I woke up this morning I had been “winked” at by 23 guys. There were a couple hotties! I was intrigued. I also had received 5 emails as I got my zzz’s… but here’s the hook. You can’t read the emails until you pay. I went to church in deep thought if it was worth paying $34.99 to “play the field.” By the time I got home, I’d received 4 more emails and my curiosity took over. Well… so far so good – in less than 24 hours I got a blind lunch date scheduled for tomorrow. This looks promising. But you all know me; I never go on ventures alone… so I will be blogging about MY MONTH ON MATCH.

Top 10 Reasons why I’m on Match.com for the month:

10. February is the month of LOVE and I needed some help from cupid.

9. I already tried eharmony and hated it… maybe match will be better.

8. My friends want to try it, but are afraid, someone has to be the guinea pig.

7. I figure God can’t direct a sitting duck and I should put myself “on the market” if I want to get married someday.

6. I had to read those messages.

5. According to eharmony, 1 in 5 marriages in the US started online... hmm.

4. Facebook is too ambiguous and guys that are actively looking are extremely attractive.

3. My good friends roommate recently met her fiancé on eharmony.

2. I’ve already dated or am tired of waiting on my current list of prospects.

1. Loyal, equally curious friends paid for over half of the subscription so they could live vicariously through me.

Hope you enjoy the ride with me… could be a rollercoaster of disappointments OR my “Save the Date” could soon be hanging on your refrigerator! Stay tuned…